It’s the year 2085 and a group of scientists, journalists, and politicians were sitting around and trying to figure out when all things were finally set right in the world, so that the history books can be correct. They finally agreed that it happened around the year 2016. This was when a woman by the name of Hillary Clinton won the president’s office in America.
She took bold and courageous actions as soon as she took office. The first thing she did was to announce to the world that she will no longer be called Hillary Clinton, instead she will be called “Dear Leader”. And she vowed to set all things right.
The first thing she did was to give Texas, New Mexico and Arizona to Mexico, then Mexico was happy. Then she gave Hawaii and California to China, then China was happy. Then she gave Alaska to Russia, then Russia was happy.
Our Dear Leader who is all knowing, had known for a long time that Republicans and Conservatives were not happy, so she abolished the IRS to create a smaller government, just like they wanted. Then to simplify things even more and save some tax dollars, she ordered that all tax money is to be sent directly to the “Clinton Foundation”. All the Republicans, Conservatives and “ultra right wing gun nuts” were so happy that they were never seen or heard from again. Chelsea Clinton who was in charge of the Clinton Foundation was also happy.
Many in the American “Silent Majority” were not happy, so Dear Leader ordered that they were to live a life of leasure and not be bothered with the small things in life like running the government, so Dear Leader made herself “Leader for Life” and got rid of Congress to save money and make things simpler. Then to make Republicans and Conservatives even happier she shut down the education system, and so saved a lot of money that was being wasted, and so now that money can be sent to the Clinton Foundation so that it can be wisely spent.
A minor problem developed when some Americans were running off to Mexico for reasons that were never determined. These illegal Americans were undermining the Mexican labor force with their cheap labor, and causing Mexico all sorts of problems with crime and non-payment of taxes. But our Dear Leader had a meeting with the Mexican government where a historic agreement was reached whereby Mexico was allowed to gather up all the illegal Americans on their sacred soil and grind them up to be used as fertilizer to grow avocados. Those avocados were the finest avocados in the world.
Then it came to our Dear Leaders attention that the Chinese people were not happy. They had too much paperwork to do in collecting body parts from Americans. So, one day after our Dear Leader had taken her nap, she signed an executive order called the “Sub-Species Act” whereby all American’s were declared a sub-species and so the great Chinese people were allowed to collect all body parts that Americans had two of. So they were allowed to collect one eye, one lung, one kidney, one arm, one leg, one ovary and one testicle from each American without the long paperwork they had to do before. One day there was an over abundance of body parts and nobody knew what to do with it. But not our Dear Leader, she knew what to do right away, she ordered that all extra American body parts are to be ground up and used as cattle feed.
But not all was happy in happy land; there was a small group in the South East that was composed of racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic people that were irrational barbarians that had seized all the Army Bases, Air Force Bases and harbors in the South East. They were a violent people and they did all sorts of politically incorrect things. Our Dear Leader would often say she will take care of this right after her nap, but then she would forget about it until the next time it was mentioned.
Then one day, our Dear Leader, being the great intellectual she is, she managed to unite the whole world together and so make herself the “Whole World Dear Leader”. The people of the world were so happy that they asked her what would really make her happy, and she said she wanted her own country, and so they gave her France. Then to make sure France was hers and hers only, all the men of France were removed and sent to China where they were well taken care of. Then all the women of France were given to Bill Clinton, then Bill Clinton was happy.
And so all was set right, and all the world was happy.
Jose Lugo, editor ddtv.org